{"id":1084,"date":"2012-10-01T13:08:17","date_gmt":"2012-10-01T12:08:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/up\/wordpress\/2012\/10\/01\/things-your-teenager-won-t-tell-you\/"},"modified":"2022-10-30T11:17:31","modified_gmt":"2022-10-30T11:17:31","slug":"things-your-teenager-won-t-tell-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/things-your-teenager-won-t-tell-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Things Your Teenager Won’t Tell You"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Wonder what\u2019s bugging your teen? It\u2019s hard to be certain when all your son does is grunt and your daughter won\u2019t stop rolling her eyes. So rather than pressing our own kids to talk\u2014not going to happen!\u2014we asked teenagers from around the country what messages they wish they could share with their moms and dads. Sure, every child is different, but it may do you and your teen some good if you took these truthful kids\u2019 concerns to heart.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. She needs privacy.<\/span>
\u201cI hate that my parents don\u2019t give me any personal space,\u201d says Eleanor, 14. \u201cAnd I hate that they don\u2019t think I need it.\u201d Even if your children share a room, give each child an area that\u2019s off-limits to everyone else in the family (including you), such as a desk or a spare closet. To show that you respect your teen\u2019s privacy, don\u2019t rummage through her personal space unless you have a concrete reason to believe that she\u2019s lying to you or hiding something serious. And remember: \u201cAll kids today are doing drugs\u201d isn\u2019t a concrete reason.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Sometimes he just needs you to listen. <\/span>
\u201cI want to tell my mom and dad everything,\u201d says Keegan, 13, \u201cbut I don\u2019t want to listen to them nag.\u201d Understand that sometimes your kids just want a sounding board\u2014they\u2019re not looking for you to solve all their problems. When your son complains that his science teacher is being unfair or his soccer coach has been extra-hard on him, encourage him to talk by asking open-ended questions. (\u201cWell, how does that make you feel?\u201d) Don\u2019t jump in with advice or threaten to intervene.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. She may be dating\u2014even if you\u2019ve explicitly said she can\u2019t. <\/span>
\u201cI didn\u2019t tell my parents about a guy I dated for a year, because they didn\u2019t allow me to have boyfriends,\u201d says Marla, 15. \u201cThey knew we hung out, but I\u2019d say, \u2018Oh, we\u2019re just friends.\u2019\u201d Try to be relaxed when it comes to dating\u2014even if it\u2019s killing you. Instead of forcing your daughter to sneak around, let her start with group dates, where at least four other kids are with her and her date at all times.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. He may not be getting great grades on every assignment.<\/span>
\u201cI don\u2019t tell my parents when I get a bad grade because I don\u2019t want to listen to them tell me how I\u2019ve let them down,\u201d says Sam, 16, who says he occasionally fails a quiz but usually makes up for it with better exam scores. \u201cThere are nights I just don\u2019t feel like studying!\u201d Sometimes one bad grade is just that: one <\/em>bad grade. If your son feels like he can vent to you about bombing a quiz or a book report, you won\u2019t have to wait until the end of a semester to find out he\u2019s struggling in school.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. She doesn\u2019t want to talk to you about sex. <\/span>
\u201cMy mom knows I\u2019ve kissed a boy,\u201d says Sonia, 15, \u201cbut I don\u2019t want to tell her anything else. It\u2019s my life, not hers.\u201d The good news is, in a 2005 government survey, less than half of high school students (47 percent) said they\u2019d had sex. Still, it\u2019s safest to assume your teen is in that 47 percent and educate her about birth control or preventing STDs. Don\u2019t press her for personal details, but do offer advice; use third-person examples if it helps.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. He hates when you don\u2019t hold his siblings accountable.<\/span>
\u201cI hate that my parents don\u2019t care how my youngest brother acts,\u201d says Henry, 13. \u201cWhen he swears or picks a fight with me or my older brother, they say, \u2018He\u2019s 7. He doesn\u2019t know any better.\u2019 But when I was his age I would have been in big<\/em> trouble for swearing.\u201d While it\u2019s natural to become more lax as you have more children, it\u2019s important to consider each unique situation, not just your children’s ages. Remember, all of your kids will respect you more if they think you\u2019re a fair and reasonable parent.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. She wishes you\u2019d cut her some slack.<\/span>
\u201cIt makes me sad when my mom screams at me when I\u2019m already down,\u201d says Erin, 17. Even if your daughter seems to screw up every time you turn around, it\u2019s important that she doesn\u2019t feel like you\u2019re constantly coming down on her. When you\u2019re upset, take some deep breaths; a few minutes might give you perspective (is it really worth it to lose your cool over dirty laundry?) and a chance to evaluate your daughter\u2019s mood. Perhaps she\u2019s ignored the laundry because she\u2019s stressed about school or antsy about a boy who hasn\u2019t called her back.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. He lies to stay out of trouble.<\/span>
\u201cSometimes I don\u2019t come home because I\u2019m too drunk to drive,\u201d says Aaron, 19. \u201cIf I told my parents that, they\u2019d flip out, so I lie.\u201d While it would be irresponsible to give underage drinking the green light, you don\u2019t want your child to be in an unsafe situation because he\u2019s rushing to be home on time. If your son calls just before curfew and says he needs a ride, save your questions (and lectures) for the morning.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

9. She gets frustrated when you use her age to your advantage.<\/span>
\u201cI can\u2019t stand it when my parents say, \u2018You\u2019re 17. Act like a grownup,\u2019 one day, and then turn around and say, \u2018You\u2019re not old enough to do that. You\u2019re only 17,\u2019 the next,\u201d says Izzy. \u201cWhich is it? Make up your mind!\u201d Since \u201cage-appropriate\u201d is subjective, try to give your child hard-and-fast rules that aren\u2019t dependent on a number. (\u201cEvery member of this family attends church on Sunday,\u201d or \u201cVisiting friends at college isn\u2019t allowed until you\u2019re in college yourself.\u201d)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

10. He wishes you would trust him.<\/span>
\u201cMy parents don\u2019t trust that I don\u2019t do drugs,\u201d says Steven, 15. \u201cAnd I really hate that they believe what other people tell them instead of what I tell them.\u201d Constantly accusing your kids of this or that\u2014especially if your accusations are unfounded\u2014breeds mistrust. Eventually they\u2019ll do something dishonest just because they\u2019re sick of being wrongly accused. Trust your kids until they give you a real reason not to.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Wonder what\u2019s bugging your teen? It\u2019s hard to be certain when all your son does…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1083,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,13,2478],"tags":[903,436,503,1181,260,82],"class_list":["post-1084","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-kids","category-top-article-family-and-home","tag-teenager","tag-tell","tag-things","tag-wont","tag-you","tag-your"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1084","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1084"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1084\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3007,"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1084\/revisions\/3007"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1083"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1084"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1084"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.egeve.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1084"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}